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In loving memory of Josh Duvall: A warning that drug risk is real

 

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Guest Commentary

By ROSEMARY DUVALL

For those of you who knew my son, Josh Duvall, and for those of you who didn’t, I would like to take a little bit of your time and tell you a few things, and hopefully in his memory, it will change your life or someone’s that you know.

I hope if anything, if you are using drugs or thinking about trying any, it will make you think twice - that if in some way I could spare another family from the worst imaginable pain that our family and way too many families in the little quaint town of Chesterton has had to endure.

This is our first Christmas without Josh. There aren’t any words to describe how we are feeling. And I pray that you will never have to experience it first hand.

Josh was always a big guy. No one would ever question the fact that he could take care of himself. To look at him, to know him, no one would suspect that he had a drug problem. He had a lot of friends, loved baseball and was basically a good kid.

Josh was the first to admit, that he had gotten himself into something that had control over him, and that he didn’t like it! He struggled for the last year of his life with this addiction.

Most of you may feel that popping a few Vicadin will never lead to anything. But in my son’s case, that was the beginning of the end. It led to the use of heroin.

He went through a rehab in Florida, only long enough to get clean. He thought he could beat it. I thought so too. He tried to start fresh by living and working in Florida.

The day before he died, I was lucky enough to have been able to hug him and tell him that I loved him and for that I will always be grateful.

We even talked about how well he was doing, how good he looked. He was proud of the fact that he was supporting himself. I hadn’t seen him this happy in a long time. He was looking forward to his brother Korey’s visit during spring break the following month. It meant a lot to Josh that Korey see him drug free and productive.

Josh looked up to Korey even though he was the younger brother. But sadly, Korey never got the chance to see. I don’t know what happened to have changed all that in the next 24 hours.

I will never know.

I do know that the amount of heroin in his system was not a lethal dose. And I’m sure in his mind Josh thought he was being careful just using this little bit one more time...not an amount that would cause him to have the terrible withdrawals...not an amount that would kill him-just one more high. But unfortunately, Josh had an enlarged heart, that none of us knew about, and the combination of the two was deadly. So, don’t fool yourself in thinking that you can only die if you use too much...that you know what you are doing!

I can’t tell you how much our lives have changed since Josh died. How badly we miss him. I think of him everyday and the tears won’t stop. Although, in time, I know my memories will make me smile, but they will never take the pain away. I will never forget finding him lying on the floor in his apartment.

I know in my heart, Josh tried to stay off drugs. I know he never thought this would be the outcome. I know he never wanted to hurt any of us. But it has. I found out after his death, that he had helped a few people with their drug addictions. They were shocked to hear about Josh’s death, or the fact that he used heroin.

Josh didn’t talk about his problems very openly. He didn’t want anyone to think bad of him. I’m glad he was able to help others, although unfortunately, as strong and big of guy he was, and as determined as he seemed to be, it wasn’t enough to help himself. And in his memory, they promised me they’d stay away from drugs.

I know Josh’s death has had an impact on some of you - those who used with him, those who never thought anything like this could happen to Josh. And I hope it scares you!

I hope it makes you think of him and all those who lost their battles with drugs the next time you want that next high. Picture your family and friends having to live life without you. Realize your drug use doesn’t only affect you, but all of those that love you!

With Christmas just around the corner, I can’t think of any better gift to give your family, friends, and loved ones, than yourself drug free. Please get help. Talk to anyone. No one will judge you.

Don’t think you can do this by yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone will think of you or say. Too many families in Chesterton have been tragically turned upside down by drugs.

Look around you. See the sadness and the lives that will never be the same because of drugs. Reach out to someone for help, or help someone that is reaching out! Don’t let another family have to go through this. Don’t let your family only have memories and photographs to cherish!

I will remember Josh for all that he was. Using drugs was only a small part of him, but big enough to take him from us. He had so much going for him...so much to give...a lifetime still to live. I beg you, in loving memory of my son Josh Duvall, don’t let this tragedy happen to someone you love, or someone who loves you!

A grieving mother….Rosemary Duvall

 

Posted 12/22/2004

 

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