Guest Commentary
By ROSEMARY DUVALL
For those of you who knew my son, Josh Duvall, and for those of you who
didn’t, I would like to take a little bit of your time and tell you a few
things, and hopefully in his memory, it will change your life or someone’s
that you know.
I hope if anything, if you are using drugs or thinking about trying any, it
will make you think twice - that if in some way I could spare another family
from the worst imaginable pain that our family and way too many families in
the little quaint town of Chesterton has had to endure.
This is our first Christmas without Josh. There aren’t any words to describe
how we are feeling. And I pray that you will never have to experience it
first hand.
Josh was always a big guy. No one would ever question the fact that he could
take care of himself. To look at him, to know him, no one would suspect that
he had a drug problem. He had a lot of friends, loved baseball and was
basically a good kid.
Josh was the first to admit, that he had gotten himself into something that
had control over him, and that he didn’t like it! He struggled for the last
year of his life with this addiction.
Most of you may feel that popping a few Vicadin will never lead to anything.
But in my son’s case, that was the beginning of the end. It led to the use
of heroin.
He went through a rehab in Florida, only long enough to get clean. He
thought he could beat it. I thought so too. He tried to start fresh by
living and working in Florida.
The day before he died, I was lucky enough to have been able to hug him and
tell him that I loved him and for that I will always be grateful.
We even talked about how well he was doing, how good he looked. He was proud
of the fact that he was supporting himself. I hadn’t seen him this happy in
a long time. He was looking forward to his brother Korey’s visit during
spring break the following month. It meant a lot to Josh that Korey see him
drug free and productive.
Josh looked up to Korey even though he was the younger brother. But sadly,
Korey never got the chance to see. I don’t know what happened to have
changed all that in the next 24 hours.
I will never know.
I do know that the amount of heroin in his system was not a lethal dose. And
I’m sure in his mind Josh thought he was being careful just using this
little bit one more time...not an amount that would cause him to have the
terrible withdrawals...not an amount that would kill him-just one more high.
But unfortunately, Josh had an enlarged heart, that none of us knew about,
and the combination of the two was deadly. So, don’t fool yourself in
thinking that you can only die if you use too much...that you know what you
are doing!
I can’t tell you how much our lives have changed since Josh died. How badly
we miss him. I think of him everyday and the tears won’t stop. Although, in
time, I know my memories will make me smile, but they will never take the
pain away. I will never forget finding him lying on the floor in his
apartment.
I know in my heart, Josh tried to stay off drugs. I know he never thought
this would be the outcome. I know he never wanted to hurt any of us. But it
has. I found out after his death, that he had helped a few people with their
drug addictions. They were shocked to hear about Josh’s death, or the fact
that he used heroin.
Josh didn’t talk about his problems very openly. He didn’t want anyone to
think bad of him. I’m glad he was able to help others, although
unfortunately, as strong and big of guy he was, and as determined as he
seemed to be, it wasn’t enough to help himself. And in his memory, they
promised me they’d stay away from drugs.
I know Josh’s death has had an impact on some of you - those who used with
him, those who never thought anything like this could happen to Josh. And I
hope it scares you!
I hope it makes you think of him and all those who lost their battles with
drugs the next time you want that next high. Picture your family and friends
having to live life without you. Realize your drug use doesn’t only affect
you, but all of those that love you!
With Christmas just around the corner, I can’t think of any better gift to
give your family, friends, and loved ones, than yourself drug free. Please
get help. Talk to anyone. No one will judge you.
Don’t think you can do this by yourself. Don’t worry about what anyone will
think of you or say. Too many families in Chesterton have been tragically
turned upside down by drugs.
Look around you. See the sadness and the lives that will never be the same
because of drugs. Reach out to someone for help, or help someone that is
reaching out! Don’t let another family have to go through this. Don’t let
your family only have memories and photographs to cherish!
I will remember Josh for all that he was. Using drugs was only a small part
of him, but big enough to take him from us. He had so much going for
him...so much to give...a lifetime still to live. I beg you, in loving
memory of my son Josh Duvall, don’t let this tragedy happen to someone you
love, or someone who loves you!
A grieving mother….Rosemary Duvall
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Posted 12/22/2004
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