By VICKI URBANIK

If parents aren’t in a partnership with the schools and the community to keep their kids away from alcohol and drugs, “we have lost this battle,” said Chesterton High School Dean of Students Estelle Chaddock.

Chaddock, a former police officer, is the Duneland administrator most in charge of the Positive Life Program, a substance use education and intervention program.

In their presentation before the Duneland School Board on Monday, Chaddock and CHS resource officer Shane Nelson had a few tips for parents in the fight to keep their kids clean.

•Be a parent. Chaddock said many parents try to be their child’s friend instead. She said it’s good for families to talk out problems and hold family meetings, but the parents must be the ones to set down the rules and the expectations in the household.

“You’ve got to be the boss,” she said.

•Along those same lines, Nelson relayed how his own father used to remind him that his bedroom wasn’t actually his private world, but that he was renting it for free. “If you have a child, you have a search warrant. Use it,” he said.

•Get involved. Many parents don’t know the last names of their child’s friends. Many let their kids stay out past 11 p.m. or so. Talk with friends’ parents. If the child asks the inevitable, “don’t you trust me?” say that you do but that you still want to find out who the other parents are so that you can decide if you want your child in their home.

• Let them feel the consequences of their actions. Expect the “I hate you” response. Chaddock said the child will need help again at some point and will turn to the parent .

•Look for help when needed. A single mom whose teen had been taken into custody by police because of drugs told Chaddock that she was at her wit’s end and has lost all control over her child. Chaddock urged the parent to let her child stay jailed for the time being and referred the parent for professional help.

“A lot of parents are fighting this battle alone” and don’t know where to turn, she said.

•Parents must educate themselves on drugs, Nelson said. Some items to look for: rolled up dollar bills (used to snort cocaine ), baby pacifiers and lollipops (used to reduce grinding teeth, a common side effect after taking MDMA, also known as Ecstacy), menthol ointments (used to enhance the effects of Ecstacy), “triple C” cough syrup (an over-the-counter product often kept behind the counter since it’s stolen so often; in large quantities, it can cause hallucinations); frequent nausea and headaches (a side effect of huffing, or inhaling common substances such as gasoline and cleaning sprays); a long fingernail on male or females (used to snort cocaine).

•Don’t wait. Parents who wait for their children to come to them to talk about drugs will “have a long wait,” Chaddock said.

•Learn more. Nelson offered the following web sites: www.streetdrugs.org

 www.420herb.com; www.dancesafe.com

Posted 4/6/2004